rcmpfraser: (Default)
rcmpfraser ([personal profile] rcmpfraser) wrote2010-04-07 09:12 am

I bluff badly

I have been known, on occasion, to join some of my colleagues in a friendly game of poker. Unfortunately, I don't have much of a "poker face", which means I bluff badly and am even worse at hiding my good fortune, when it comes.

This is making it very difficult to handle working with Ray Kowalski.

I am, I hope, managing to remain professional--at least now that my concerns about the real Ray Vecchio have been put to rest. But...

Isolation leads to a great number of different habits. One grows accustomed to a certain amount of... loneliness, of inactivity, of inability to connect to people. Friends are valued, of course, and trusted friends valued most of all, but the concept of casual acquaintances, of people you might develop... particular chemistry with...

It's lonely in the North. Beautiful, but lonely.

Ray Kowalski is warmth, constant motion, and taking on Ray Vecchio's persona means we're obligated to feign close friendship before it even exists. I'm not much good at that sort of thing, though I wouldn't, ordinarily, object to doing so. But the closer he gets to me, the more I wonder what he's seeing. There were things Ray Vecchio never asked about, things that were open secrets between us, things he let me keep close to my vest out of respect for my desire for privacy.

I don't think Ray Kowalski understands that sort of distance, and I don't... if I were to put my cards on the table, as it were, I don't know what would happen next.

Muse: Benton Fraser
Fandom: due South
Words: 259
Disclaimer: Benton Fraser and all other characters mentioned here are property Alliance Atlantis; no infringement intended, no money made.